Category Archives: reflection

August 24, 2012 · 9:38 pm

Cone of Concern

We’re in the cone of concern in one update, and out of the cone of concern in the next.  Get your food supplies, clear the yard of debris, and don’t forget to gas up the vehicle.  Check, check, and check.  What’s your homeowner’s insurance say about weather damage?  Now is the perfect time to read up on the small print.  Did we cover it all?  Not even close, there’s still the matter of windows, pets, and games in case of power outage.

There’s so much to worry about when you’re an adult.  I’ve been a lifelong Florida resident, and at no time in those previous years did I worry so much about being prepared.  Part of my inattention to hurricane preparedness has to do with my lack awareness (read youth) and the other reason is my lack of family obligations.  Those two reasons are out the window now, and I’ve been feeling the effects of the cone of concern these last few days.

I recall experiencing hurricane Andrew 20 years ago.  I was seven years old at the time and I didn’t have any worries about Andrew.  As a matter of fact, I recall enjoying that night as several of my family members stayed together and there wasn’t any school the next day.  We watched T.V. until the power went out and then board games until we fell asleep.  The next day I helped clean up outside the house and we were much more fortunate than those who took the brunt of that storm.

Since Andrew I’ve been through the hurricanes of the late 90’s and early 2000’s.  Most notable were the hurricanes of 2004 and 2005, when I at Florida Atlantic University numerous class days were cancelled and power was out for an equal amount of time.  I was living life as a young adult at the time, not much holding me down other than what could fit into my truck.  In fact, I recall a great road trip in 2005 to Gainesville, Tallahassee, and Jacksonville that was a direct result of hurricane Wilma.  When south Florida lost power, a buddy and I hoped in the car and were welcomed in by friends in those cities.

Much has changed since those days.  To pick up and leave now requires a full on mobilization, with two adults, two kids under the age of four, and three dogs to worry about.  Not to mention the house, vehicles, and other sentimental valuables that makes up my family’s collective memory.  A hurricane in years past meant worrying about where the ubiquitous hurricane party was at.  Now a hurricane, or even tropical depression, means no less than gathering all the supplies on our list.

I’m not complaining at all, I know my family and I have been graced by God many times over during hurricane seasons past.  I’m just realizing the differences in life that come with having more responsibilities.  It also makes me feel good to know that I’m doing everything needed to fulfill those responsibilities.  Be safe out there and take all those warnings seriously, no matter what the cone of concern says.

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May 2, 2012 · 12:09 pm

First Time Experiences in Teaching

“Were we your best first class ever?”  A student recently asked me this question on the last day of our class.  For those present that night, the answer I gave was a diplomatic one – “Of course, it’s not like I’ll ever have another.”  This answer was met with mutual laughter from the students and me, partly by my answer and also partly in the relief that comes with knowing the semester was ending.  Our lives are filled with memories of first-time experiences, and my first class definitely set a positive tone for my collegiate teaching experience.

Around the country there are thousands of students wrapping up their first year in college.  Some are headed off to summer jobs, others are focused on summer classes, but all have experienced a year of newness – new friends, new difficulties, and new adventures.  Remembering back to the end of my first year, I couldn’t wait to get out of the dorm and enjoy the break.

I’m finding myself reflecting back on the end of that first year in college now because I recently finished my first semester of teaching at two community colleges.  I had the honor of teaching public speaking and an introductory communication class.  All in total I had about 90 students for the semester, separated into four classes.  I thoroughly enjoyed all of the classes, each took on its own dynamic and the students were great.

The first classroom I walked into was an evening class; it began at 5:40 p.m.  I was very nervous that first class, I recall practicing over and over what I would say beforehand.  The students were a mix of traditional and non-traditional, meaning that some were ages 18-24 while others were ages 25-40.  It was definitely a new feeling to look at each one and know I would be responsible for helping them to learn the material in our syllabus.  This first class, for many reasons, will be in my memory forever.

Students aside, this first semester was one massive learning experience for me.  I learned several things, the first relating to this being my first time teaching.  I found myself over prepared and over planned for the first month or so of class.  This wasn’t a negative; I just noticed that I often had to pare down the material that I planned to cover so that it would fit into the scheduled class time.  I often tried to place myself into the students’ shoes by asking myself “Would I have learned X, W, or Z from this particular lesson?”  This constant reflection helped me throughout the semester; I’d often change how I was planning to teach after I answered it.

If I were to be asked by that student again “Were we your best first class ever?” my answer would be a resounding YES!  I’m thankful for that first class and the experiences I had in class with them.  They all performed admirably in class and I appreciate their commitment to getting themselves educating.  I’m grateful to have been there for a step in reaching their goal – earning their diploma.

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March 26, 2012 · 10:20 am

Catalyst for Change: A Weight Loss Story

This is a posting about change and the process that occurs to make it happen, I promise.  But first I’ve got to tell you about what happened to me 2007.

In December of 2007 I weighed 300 pounds, roughly the size of three 6th graders.  I’m tall – six feet and three quarters inches, but I round up to 6’3 if anyone asks – so my body frame held the weight well.  I’d just completed my senior year at Florida Atlantic University, leaving with a bachelor degree and memories of playing football.

It was during that 2007 football season at FAU that I was struck with Bell’s Palsy, a neurological virus that paralyzes muscles in the face.  I went to sleep two nights before a game with a strange sensation in my tongue, and when I awoke I’d lost control over the left side of my face.  I met with our team doctor the next day, described my symptoms, and the first words out of his mouth were “Bell’s Palsy”.

The doctor informed me that there was no cure for the virus, no pill to take or fluid to ingest.  He told me the virus had to run its course and eventually, after a month or two, I would begin to regain control of my face.  After doing my own research, I also learned, grimly, that some Bell’s Palsy victims never fully regain total control of their facial muscles.

I played in that game the day after learning I had Bell’s Palsy.  Our team equipment manager outfitted my helmet with a protective eye visor because I couldn’t close my left eye completely.  That game was a surreal experience, I distinctly recall colliding with an opposing player and, whereas normally my eyes would close involuntarily before contact, now I saw it all through my left eye.  The initial effects of Bell’s Palsy didn’t stop me from playing, and I thought this virus wouldn’t be a big thing.  I was wrong.

In the days that followed my diagnosis, I started to experience and understand the long term psychological effects of the virus.  Because I couldn’t control the muscles in my face, smiling, frowning, and even spitting, became impossible.  I wasn’t able to show any emotion, and this fact quickly ate away my self-image.  I shunned simple enjoyments, like watching a funny TV show or chewing gum; for fear that people would see that something was wrong with me.

The ancient Roman philosopher Cicero wrote that “The face is a picture of the mind…”  If you were to see me when I had Bell’s Palsy then you would have thought I didn’t have a thing on my mind, however, that couldn’t be further from the truth.  The truth was that I was in pain from not being able to show any emotion.

A little more a month after the paralysis began, feeling began to return to my face and slowly I regained control. Although the virus only affected me physically for a short time, the true change went on in my head.  The experience was traumatic, imaging fearing that you would never be able to smile again and you’ll begin to know what I felt.

Prior to the virus, I didn’t place too much emphasis on my long-term outlook on life.  I was 22 years old at the time and I lived like it, focused on the present.  I most often ate the foods that tasted best; they were full of fried flavor and came through a drive-thru window.  I played football.  I exercised and lifted weights 4 to 5 days a week.

When the virus’ effects began to fade, and my smile started to return, I made myself a promise – to make sure that I did as much as I could of whatever made me smile.  Bell’s Palsy was a blessing to me; it served as an attitude adjuster and provided me with a catalyst to make several lifelong changes.

What’s most important to me is my love for God, my commitment to family, and sacrificing for my community – these are the things that make me smile the most.   I realized that for me to fulfill my promise, to have the greatest positive impact on the things I care about the most, I would have to be present.  Continuing the lifestyle that I held in 2007 would no doubt have resulted in numerous health illnesses over the years, diminishing my ability to live life to the fullest.

To make any changes in your life, whether it’s for health, financial, or personal reasons, there first has to be a shift in the way you see things.  Do you value faith? Is family central to your life? What is your place in our community?  Don’t worry if you don’t have an immediate answer for these questions, but do consider them.  Also consider, what do you do to live those values?

I now weight 206 lb., so I like to tell people I’ve lost the weight of a whole 6th grader.  Yes, I exercise.  Yes, I attempt to always make nutritious food choices. Yes, I’ll find myself eating cookies every once in a while.

What helps me to persevere, what maintains my determination, what has gotten me to the point I’m at weight and health wise, is the promise I made all those years ago.  Don’t wait for Bell’s Palsy, allow my story to be a catalyst for changes in your life.

Related Articles:

Overweight and Underappreciated

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December 1, 2011 · 1:05 pm

Greatest Lesson of Howard Schnellenburger

When I became part of the football team at Florida Atlantic University in 2003 I knew a few things.  I knew there were winning, losing, and the next game.  I knew there was passing, running, blocking, and tackling.  I knew there were touchdowns, field goals, and safeties.  I knew I wouldn’t be scoring any of those touchdowns, field goals, or safeties because I was an offensive lineman.

Enter Howard Schnellenburger.

I first met him in his office at FAU’s Tom Oxley Center, the walls were covered with pictures of past success and there were football artifacts all around the office.  I, being 17 years old at the time, was completely overwhelmed.  I’d never actually spoken to him before then, so when he used his voice to say “Hello” I went from feeling overwhelmed to feeling emasculated.  His presence filled the room and he told me to call him Coach, which I do so to this day.  Coach offered me a scholarship to attend FAU and play football at the end of that first meeting, I gladly accepted.

Despite all that I knew, what I did not know was the significance of football to life.

My freshman year at FAU was the most challenging time for me, both on the field and in the classroom.  After putting on the pads and starting practice I realized that I was mentally and physically not ready to play in a real game.  After starting classes I felt challenged and ill-equipped, my ability to get the grades I’d desired was not developed.  I considered quitting football during this first year to focus on just classes, it felt like it was all too much to handle for my 18-year-old mind.

Despite what I knew, I’d yet to learn what dedication and perseverance meant for success.

FAU’s football program was fledgling, only having just playing its first ever game in 2001, when I arrived.  I’d watch college football on T.V. all my life.  There were huge stadiums filled with fans, competitive games, with players and teams celebrated for their success.  All FAU had that resembled that was a football, pads, and helmets.  There was no history, no games on T.V., and no stadium.

Despite what I knew, Coach had a vision and a dream for FAU.

The years that have passed since 2007, my last as a player for FAU, have allowed me think about what playing for Coach meant.  I bought into the team, committing myself to our on the field success, and was rewarded with a conference championship and bowl victory.  I devoted myself in the classroom, improved my self-expectations and grades, and have since gone on to graduate with a master’s degree.  All this was predicated by the vision and dream of Coach, a man of foresight and armed objectives.

Coach retires from FAU and football two days from today.

His greatest lesson is that to live a life of significance you must be dedicated and have perseverance to achieve the vision and dreams you set forth.

Related Articles:

Schnellenberger learned from legends before becoming one. (Sunsentinel.com)

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October 7, 2011 · 3:26 pm

FAU Football and the Civil Rights Movement

Being a member of the FAU football team took me many places I probably wouldn’t have visited otherwise, including: San Marcos, TX | Manhattan, KS | Monroe, LA | and Greely, CO.  Since exhausting my eligibility and becoming a team fanatic, which includes starting The Great Mustache Challenge, I have traveled to several away games to cheer on the team.  While living in Tallahassee, FL in the fall of 2009 I took advantage of the short drive to watch FAU take on the University of Alabama at Birmingham (UAB).  The game was abysmal for FAU, mercifully ending with a score 56-29.   

This posting isn’t about that game.  This posting is about a place I visited in the hours before.  I stayed at a hotel in downtown Birmingham and had a time to use sightseeing before the game started.  I drove down several streets, just taking in the town, but my attention was caught when I happened upon a small park.  A festival was going on in the park so I decided to stop.  I couldn’t turn down the smell of good food and entertainment.  While in the park I noticed memorial statues and read the captions.  I quickly realized that I was in the famed Kelly Ingram Park, a civil rights epicenter during 1963. 

Right next to the park is the Birmingham Civil Rights Institute.  I walked over and into the building, emerging an hour or so later feeling like I could have stayed the rest of the afternoon.  The BCRI is exceptional and paramount in its display of the civil rights era, many times I felt taken right to those moments.  The pains, struggles, and triumphs are captured in many mediums, all together striking a visitor’s senses and compelling instant empathy.  The men, women, and children who were central to the movement all have their histories and stories included. 

I’m writing about this because of the recent death of Rev. Fred L. Shuttlesworth on October 5th.  Rev. Shuttlesworth was the pastor at the Sixteenth Street Baptist Church, which is located across the street from the BCRI, during 1963.  Rev. Shuttlesworth was also one of the last surviving leaders of the civil rights movement.  His death, to me, is cause for remembrance of his life and the causes he devoted it to. 

Take a moment to learn more about this man who was special for his will to fight for what is just and right in a time when racism was the rule.  Rev. Shuttlesworth’s death has been overcast in the news by the passing of another great man, Steve Jobs.  I believe without Rev. Shuttlesworths’ life, many who enjoyed the innovations of Jobs would not have done so as easily.

Life as a FAU fan has not been easy these last few years, but I cannot say that I didn’t enjoy that day in Birmingham, AL.  I implore other fans – those who are able to follow the team to distant locals – to explore the landscape surrounding the field and stadium.  Life is about more than what happens between the end zones, or in the case of 10/15/11 “Between the Palms”.

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October 5, 2011 · 2:02 pm

The Secret to Great Frybread

I’ve eaten frybread since before I can remember.  It’s a food that drips of memories and grease.  It’s a food that looks and feels just like my grandmother, brown and soft.  It’s a food that is simple in ingredients and popular around the world.  My love of frybread is like my love for my soon-to-be wife – lifelong.

Even though I’ve enjoyed frybread for all of my life, I’d never made it before this past weekend.  I was aware that you need flour, water, and oil, but clueless as to how to turn that into great tasting frybread.  Thus when the opportunity presented itself to learn I decided to jump right in. 

My first frybread making experience was filled with nervousness, trepidation, and excitement.  I didn’t expect to make a high quality piece of frybread. Truthfully I just wanted it to be recognizable and edible.  Thankfully my first frybread did in fact taste like frybread.  My 4-year-old even showed his approval when he scarfed down a piece. 

Reflecting back on my first time making frybread I come to believe that there are many parallels to life.  I realized that when you’re making frybread it takes three things:   

  • Ingredients and Kneading – just like with frybread, we don’t need much in life to succeed. Each person has what it takes but you have to put them all together to make something distinctive.  The will, passion, and motivation exists, nothing can stop you once you put them together.
  • Fire and Timing – It takes a proper amount of fire and time to get the frybread just right.  That’s the catalyst, without fire and time you just have a lump of uneatable dough.  People too need to be put to the fire to be properly tested, to rise up to the fire and come out of it looking/being better than before. 
  • Teacher – You need a person to show you how to make frybread, just like you need a person to show you how to prosper in life.  I’m thankful to the woman who showed me how to make frybread and to the many other teachers I’ve had throughout life.

These three things are what I believe contribute to frybread and life, as well as to happiness and fulfillment.  I also believe I have unveiled the secret to great frybread.  Some may dispute me, others may agree, but remember this is just opinion – the secret to great frybread is you.  Without you, and your yearning to know, there would be no frybread.  Without you, and your love of life, the world would be little more common. 

The parallels of frybread and life exist.  To prove it take a chance and jump right in.  To prove it bite a piece and smile.  The proof is in the person.

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September 30, 2011 · 3:18 pm

Overweight and Underappreciated

I often find myself speaking in front of people in classrooms and organizational meetings at Miami Dade College.  Ostensibly I’m in front of these people to tell them about the Single Stop program, but in fact I’m there to spread inspirational and uplifting words.  I speak to them about my personal experiences and challenges to open their eyes to a simple paradigm:

Problems + Goals = Solutions

Recently I was speaking to a classroom full of students, each facing their own unique challenges.  I was getting into the wrap up of my dialogue, which consists of a helpful way to remember my name.  Since Jarrid is an easy name to forget I relate it to a more well-known person by the same name, that being Jared Fogle of Subway fame.  It’s rare that you’ll find a person who hasn’t heard of Subway, or tried one of their subs. 

We’re all somewhat familiar with Jared’s story – overweight person | eats at Subway | now average weight person.  I see many of the students’ minds click at this moment, the brand recognition of Subway and Jared works really well for my purpose of increasing name memorability.  I then share that I too used to be overweight, due in large part to me playing football at FAU.  I tell the students that I used to weigh 300 pounds, whereas now I weight about 200 pounds.  It’s at this point that I’ll usually tie in the simple paradigm:

Overweight + Desire to live healthily = Motivation to lose weight

At this point the people in the audience will react with disbelief, astonishment, doubt, or surprise.  They’ve been listening to me speak for 20-30 minutes, buying into the simple paradigm with each minute, only to reject it when I share my personal and tangible story to its proof.

I was particularly stirred today when a student, with conviction, said “I don’t believe you, that can’t be true”.  To that student today I said “I told you earlier that I recently graduated from college, but I didn’t show you the degree.  Why didn’t you say then that you didn’t believe that?”  Her response was “Having your degree is easier to believe, losing the weight isn’t”.

This interaction astounded me!  How could a person easily believe, without tangible evidence, a statement like “I recently graduated” yet so quickly dismiss “I lost 100 pounds”?  Oh but there is tangible evidence, besides the stretch marks, to me weighing 300 pounds:

I share this blog posting with you to implore you to take up the simple paradigm and apply it to your life.  Problems are never easy to solve, but they become impossible when you do not have a goal in mind.  Share this simple paradigm with those around you.  It’s especially useful for people who are better at identifying the problems than at setting goals for solutions. 

There will always be a doubter much like to woman in this story.  Don’t allow them to stand in your way.  Set your mind to goals and solve those problems!

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September 23, 2011 · 1:20 pm

Paper or Plastic – Be Careful With Your Money

Last week I received an e-mail from Bank of America informing me that there was irregular activity on my account.  The e-mail was not specific, it stated the following: “We detected irregular activity on your Bank of America debit card on 09/16/2011. For your protection, you must verify this activity before you can continue using your card”.  The e-mail instructed me to check my account online and to call BofA immediately.

Needless to say, after reading this I felt a rush of adrenaline.  It’s never a good thing when an e-mail like this arrives in the inbox.  I quickly forewent checking online and called BofA, by this time feeling alarmed and anxious.  After verifying that I was indeed me, the service rep informed me that the irregular activity alert was associated with a $380 declined purchase.  Apparently some dubious person/people had made a copy of my debit card information and attempted to use it at a Publix grocery store, but because the PIN was inaccurate the transaction was declined.

We’ve all had something stolen from us before.  Maybe it was money, possessions, time, or emotions.  Regardless of what it was that was taken, our initial reactions can range from anger, disbelief, resentment, or helplessness.  My initial reaction was a mix of anger and questioning.  I wondered when this was done, who the person/people were, and what could be done to prosecute them.

Thankfully in my case my PIN was unknown and the transaction was declined,  however, debit card fraud remains a common crime.  Copying card information can be easily and quickly done, we leave ourselves open to it whenever our card is out of our possession.  Did you buy coffee this morning?  Did you go to your favorite restaurant?  Did you go into the gas station for a quick snack?  These are all instances when your card information can be taken.

I don’t mean to leave you feeling paranoid about handing over your card.  If that was the case then we would all never let that thing go. I share this story to bring up three points, which I’ll leave you with:

1) Awareness: Check to see if your bank offers fraud protection. Regularly check your account activity.  Limit the amount of money in your checking account.  Be proactive!

2) Humor: When my initial feelings of anger and questioning dissipated, helped along by the realization that the money wasn’t stolen, my mind made light of the situation. Think about it – the person/people went into a grocery store and collected $380 worth of food.  That amount of food would take up at least 3 cartful’s worth of room.  The person/people took the time to collect all that food, selecting what he/she wanted.  The clerk rang it all through the register and then bagged it all.  All this happened, only then to have the whole thing declined! I smiled about that.

3) Reality: After the humor went away I thought reflected on the whole situation again. The person/people attempted to use the $380 on food.  Not on clothes, not on electronics, not on a want. He/she attempted to use the money on a need. My humanity will not allow me to overlook this fact. I feel compassion for any
person/people who cannot earn/work enough to feed themselves (although I doubt that was the case in this fraud situation).

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September 13, 2011 · 9:57 am

You’re Not Indian

I recall the first time a person told me I wasn’t an Indian… 

I was sitting in the cafeteria at Florida Atlantic University, eating my food and mulling over why I didn’t grab a bite elsewhere.  I was joined by a few friends, all of us conversing about the things college age guys talk about – sports, women, and more sports.  About midway through this deep and thoughtful conversation we were joined by two women, both of whom I didn’t know.  Introductions ensued and I told them my name, Jarrid Smith.  

A few moments later one of the ladies asked me “What are you?”.  I responded “I’m Indian (Native American), a Seminole”.  I was promptly told “No you’re not! You can’t be an Indian with the name Jarrid Smith. You should have a name like Running-Bear or Lightening-bolt”.  I responded as a unthoughtful person would by saying “Yes, Jarrid Smith is my name” and attempting to laugh the situation away.  I asked her why she thought my name shouldn’t be Jarrid Smith and she responded “Because it’s not like on TV”. 

This recollection has stayed with me the way a lovebug stays on your windshield.  I have thought about it numerous times since that day, the memory is one that I’m sure other Natives have had as well.  Being that I was young, about 18 or 19 at the time, I didn’t fully understand how the perception was created that the name my parents gave me wasn’t acceptable to others as authentic.  I didn’t grasp how an image on a screen could shape a persons view of an entire culture. 

In the years that have passed this memory inspired me to uncover the roots of that perception.    This memory has helped me to understand encounters with quizzical looks and insensitive remarks.  This memory has helped shape how I now respond when asked the question “What are you?”.

I am a human being, one that happens to be a part of an amazing sub-group of humanity’s uniqueness.  I am a son, an uncle, and a soon-to-be husband.  I am a believer and faithful follower to my ancestors teachings.  I am a living testament to my people’s perseverance and a bridge builder to a collective future.  I am a lot of things, but I am not an image on a TV screen. 

What are you?

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September 1, 2011 · 7:18 pm

Flowers for the Dead – RIP Milton Noel

I’ve been compelled to write about this experience for several reasons, but most significantly to remember a man that had a positive impact on me in only two hours’ time.

We live and we die, that is the fate of all humans on this earth. I’ve not yet witnessed a birth, but I look forward to the day that I can. However, I’ve been to many funerals. The experience of life and death isn’t always foremost in our heads, but it is omnipresent. Even though I’ve been to many funerals, I’ve experienced them all a little differently. Indeed, it’s hard to be blind to factors such as age, cause, and life choices when at a funeral.


Yesterday I received word that a relative of mine by the name of Milton Noel had passed on. As always when I hear of a death, a cloud of depression descended over me. Thoughts of the deceased and his family crossed my mind, as well as what little I knew of the man. I’d only met Milton, better known as Bubba, once. It was in December of 2006 at Riverside Indian School in Anadarko, OK that I met him.

I’d heard from my grandmother many times that he was working at RIS, she is his aunt. I was in Anadarko visiting family and took a chance to ride to the school and meet him. I spent about two hours with him; he gave me a tour of the school and talked to me about the kids that attend RIS. I left that day with a feeling of pride, it stemmed from having a man in my family that I viewed as someone dedicated to education in the Native community.

I contacted the florist in Anadarko yesterday to order flowers to be sent to his funeral. This was a first for me; I’d never sent flowers to a funeral. The experience of it left me with an upset stomach and dissatisfied feeling. When the florist asked me what I wanted to go on the card I had to pause… I hadn’t thought about it. I felt like I wanted the note to be about a paragraph long, full of my memories and thoughts of the day he and I met. I ended up asking her to write “My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.”

I contacted RIS and spoke with Sharon Hunter – Federal Programs Coordinator, formerly Elementary Principal at RIS – to speak to a person that worked with Bubba. Ms. Hunter had this to say about his character:

“Not only was he a principal, he was a liaison with our local community. He formed strong relationships with other tribes and their people. He was solid in his faith, which was Christianity.”

Milton Noel came to RIS in 1987 to serve as a Vice Principal, a position he fulfilled until his death. Prior to RIS he worked in the Elgin (OK) County Public School system as well as at the Ft. Wingate BIE School in New Mexico. He was well known among the Kiowa tribe, of which he was an enrolled member. He spoke the Kiowa language and was involved in the culture.

He was diagnosed with colon cancer, which subsequently spread to other parts of his body. He is survived by his wife and two daughters. Services are being held tonight at the RIS gym and tomorrow at the Rainy Mt. Kiowa Indian Baptist Church.

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